My Tutor gave me some great advice early on in this unit, and that was to keep a log of all those moments of discovery, interesting thoughts, learning highlights etc. It was such useful advice and really helped to find a place for all those things that previously would end up as short paragraphs or sentences in an exercise or assignment blog that would get lost in amongst everything else. They would of course probably get missed by the assessors too. I am using these in part, to help me write this reflective evaluation.
As I was finishing a rework on Assignment one, I found myself writing the following
“I found myself looking at the last image and realised that it really struck a cord with me in reflecting my mums last few weeks. I wonder if this means that I have at least one image that is saying what I wanted it too?”
Considering I had never even thought of saying anything with my images before starting this course, I see this as great step forward in my understanding of images, photography and art. I am already looking at “art” in a completely different way.
It has been a very strange time for everyone and starting this unit in the middle of a pandemic was quite challenging, but I had manged to complete the last one so carried on not realising that fate had a few other surprises in store. In short, we lost two very close family members (not to covid) one in tragic and complex circumstances that rocked the whole family. At one point I thought I may have to take a break in my studies but soon discovered that the photography was giving me some relief from the sadness, grief and anxiety that ensued. It was hard to determine at the time, if, or how much these circumstances would affect what I was producing for the course but there is no doubt that it did. This unit was quite a leap for me in respect of creating images that have “meaning’ but I’m sure that the emotional turmoil helped me to see things differently and perhaps connect in ways I would have been able to. I did try to channel these emotions into something worthwhile across the whole unit.
I was very surprised when Trish Morrisys series Front (2005-2007) sparked emotions relating to my own adoption and subsequent reunion with my birth mother as an adult. It made me realise what an impact this area of art could have on people and made me wonder if my images could ever spark something in someone? Maybe that should be my challenge for the future. I also realised that I was trying to work out how I could express my feelings of being an outsider in a series of images. This really was a bit of a first for me and although I had tried to do it with my mum’s diary in the first assignment, I have never tried to do it with my own feelings.
I am having my understanding and thought processes challenged a great deal on this unit which is fascinating and really brings home the fact we humans should never stop learning. As an example, I always thought that a self-portrait had to include the artist in the image. Of course it doesn’t! The artist can be depicted in so many ways, and indeed can make for great images that can say so much more about the artist, their lives, and emotions. This understanding helped so much in the creation of my adoption and reunion series.
One thing I have realised as I come to the end of this unit, is to keep looking back at the feedback from previous units as I move forward. I get so wrapped up in a current unit that I forget to apply what I have learned in previous units. I seem to find it hard to think about all the different aspects involved in creating a meaningful image at once. If I took the time to look back over previous feedback it would help me to keep these things in mind. This became obvious when I realised that my feedback for several of the assignments in the unit included comments on the colour of the images not matching what I was trying to portray.
This really was the start of me beginning to fully understand that everything in the frame must add to the meaning or at least nothing should be the opposite of or take away from the meaning. That does not just include the objects but the framing, colour, focal length, and location.
One thing that did happen as I progressed through the unit was my frustration at not having time to go back and fix the things that I could clearly see were wrong properly. I discussed this with my tutor who agreed that if these were “real projects” then they might be done of a much longer timescale. In some cases, I chose to focus on getting it right in one or two images so that I could prove to myself that I understood.
My understanding of art has progresses far more in the unit than it ever has. I realised that a beautiful image is beautiful or nice and that may be all it is. It may of course also be very meaningful. An image that is not beautiful or even look like it has been very badly taken, may also be very meaningful. In the past my images all had to be “nice” to look at. All very well but all very meaningless and not images that would necessarily spark something in someone! It is becoming clear that images have been saying things to me even if I wasn’t aware of it. I have to admit that Jeff Wall’s Insomnia is an image that I saw a long time ago and disliked a great deal. I remember thinking how bad the lighting was, how unsettling the figure under the table was etc..etc… It jarred. It did everything it was meant to! – I just didn’t realise it at the time. I have enjoyed researching other artists and realise now how essential it is in my progression. It also struck me how little I know about art and artists in general and will make a much bigger effort now that we are coming out of lockdown to get out and experience the art world.
Around assignment three I found myself losing sight of what I was trying to create, and then realised that if I ask myself what I am trying to say, it then becomes much clearer.
I think one of the most important things I have learned during this unit is that I am learning! I don’t have to get it right first time! It’s OK to give myself the time and space before going back and re-evaluating. My tutor has been very supportive in allowing me to go my own way on several of the assignments and this has really helped me to discover so much about my knowledge my lack of knowledge and the route to finding my own voice.
OCAPhotography 